What approaching women actually changes in you (3500 approaches later)

After starting cold approach in June 2020, I conservatively estimate I’ve done 3500 approaches in total, possibly up to 5000. 

In this email I will share three personality upgrades I believe I’ve made as a result.   

1. Not being bowled over by beauty

When I got to Warsaw three years ago I met a Ukrainian girl on an aeroplane flight going from London to Warsaw (thanks cold approach). On the flight we got chatting and I was blown away by her looks. I took her on 7 dates in total. She insisted on dinner and breakfast most of the time and of course I was the one paying for it. I followed as I wanted to keep it going and thought this was simply how things are done in eastern Europe. Each time, she took photos of the food she got before eating it and posted it to her Instagram, without me in it. 

We continued going on dates for a couple of months and then it petered out. Well, I’d fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the book - being used as a walking wallet. Btw, for context we kissed once and never slept together. 

Any man that has been in this game for a while knows that as soon as you let a girl call the shots early on in dating, you’ve lost. 

I simply would not tolerate that now and ended up dating a much nicer and prettier Ukrainian girl later on who followed my lead, not the other way around. 

2. I stopped thinking hot women were out of reach for me

Towards the end of my marriage, my then wife tried to imply even that I was past it in terms of my zest for life. I carried that into my concerns with women. I remember thinking I would only be able to also date women in their mid thirties (like me)  that were average level attractiveness. 

Well, thousands of approaches, hundreds of dates later, that voice of my ex-wife, and the legacy it left, has all but been bled out. I believe it’s possible for any man. Do enough reps and enough experience to the contrary and you can delete beliefs that no longer serve you. 

However fair warning, just because you sleep with a few hot girls, it doesn't mean that inner voice that says you are not good enough goes away, it just finds a new home. I choose to reword that voice as you can improve and that improvement in of itself it the goal of life (expansion)

3. I stopped fearing silence in conversation

I remember being on a date earlier this year and momentarily running out of things to say to her and finding it amusing. The same thing, with a girl I was attracted to, would have terrified me in the past. Your relationship to what happens changes and that is a good thing.

Tim